Funny things you've been sent lately...

[Rupewrecht]

New thread. Old one to big. End of story.


---


The Teacher was very curious about Christmas and how people celebrated this Holiday.

She asked young Patrick Murphy, Tell me Patrick, what do you do at Christmas Time?" "Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "That's very nice, Patrick" says the teacher.

"Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well Miss, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing Carols, we get home ever so late. We put biscuits and mince pies by the chimney and we hang up our stocking. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our Presents." "That's very nice Jimmy" says the teacher.

"Now Isaac Cohen, What do you do at Christmas?" "Well it's the same thing every year, Dad comes home from the office, he opens the electric garage door, we all get in to his Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory, we go inside and look at all the empty shelves, and Dad says 'Thank God for Jesus Christ' and then we all go to the Bahamas."

[project.r.racing]

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me - her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore tight mini-skirts and generally went bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got a more than pleasant view.
I was sure it was deliberate, as she never did it around anyone else.

One day 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and whispered to me that she had 'feelings and desires' for me
that she couldn't overcome. She said she wanted to make love to me, just once, before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock, and speechless. "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom," she purred. "If you want one last fling, just come up and get me."

Stunned, I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down to me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline for the front door, flung it open and was heading for my car when I was met by my entire future family standing outside, cheering and clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We're very happy you've passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family !"

The moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car !

[the michelinman]

> What is Marketing?
>
> There's often confusion when explaining what exactly marketing is all
about. Let
> me try and explain.....
> in simple terms.
>
> You see a cute girl at a party.
> You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
> That's Direct Marketing.
>
> You're at a party with a bunch of mates and see a cute girl.
> One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's
fantastic in
> bed."
> That's Advertising.
>
> You see a cute girl at a party.
> You go up to her and get her telephone number.
> The next day you call and say, "Hey, I'm fantastic in bed."
> That's Telemarketing.
>
> You're at a party and see a cute girl.
> You get up and straighten your jacket.
> You walk up to her and pour her a drink.
> You say, "May I," and lean in to light her cigarette, slightly
brushing
against
> her arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
> That's Public Relations.
>
> You're at a party and see a cute girl.
> She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
> That's Brand Recognition.
>
> You're at a party and see a cute girl.
> You talk her into going home with your friend.
> That's a Sales Rep.
>
> Your friend can't satisfy her so he calls you.
> That's Technical Support.
>
> You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
cute
girls in
> all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one
situated
> toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic
in
bed!"
> Well now that's what we call Spam.

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.guzer.com/videos/snakeattack.php

[Fro-Daddy]

An Engineers Christmas

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second—3000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (1 kg), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 150 kg. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 120 kg Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas

[the michelinman]

Santa’s Tired & …
‘Twas the night before Christmas - old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list,
Miserable brats, ungrateful jerks,
I’ve a good mind to scrap the whole damn works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?
My old lady bitches ‘cos I work late at night,
The elves want more money and the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed up the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things might get better,
Those assholes from ATO sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny;
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And the children these days - they all are the pits
Ask the impossible, the mean little ****s.
Spent a whole year makin’ wagons and sleds,
Assembling their dolls - arms, legs and heads.
Made lots of yo yos, but no-one wants them,
Just computers and robots – like I'm IBM?
If you think all that's bad, just picture this:
Try holding those brats, their pants smell of piss
They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard,
And if I don't smile, their mums think I'm weird.
Here I’m flyin’ along, dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job, there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
So Christmas is OFF - now you know the reason.
Found me a blonde; I'm going SOUTH for the season!
I'll laze in the sun, then into bed I’ll be tucked
And those snotty-nosed brats … can go and get f…ed.
*****************

[twilightprotege]

this isnt funny...just awesome

http://thekneeslider.com/archives/2005/06/08/smart-car-plus-gsxr-equals-smartuki-a-very-smart-car

[Nate]

awesome isnt the word!

[boostedbatman]

Yup I found that a few days ago when looking for info on Swift powered minis for the father in law
Thats pretty smart

[pr1mo]

http://www.teamazm.com/temp/gangsofnsw.jpg

[Cosmo Dude]

http://www.bigad.com.au/
Shame that most Australians don't drink this (not that I blame them).

[skippy]

Shrimp dodging injury blamed for death

http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/shrimp-dodging-injury-blamed-for-death/2006/01/13/1136956325433.html

 January 13, 2006 - 8:03AM

The family of a US man is seeking $US10 million ($13.26 million) in damages, claiming he died from a neck injury months after ducking to avoid a shrimp tossed by a hibachi chef at a Japanese restaurant.
Lawyer Andre Ferenzo said in opening statements in the New York state Supreme Court yesterday that Jerry Colaitis, 43, wrenched his neck when he ducked to avoid the tossed prawn.
Colaitis, of Long Island, near New York, then died from complications caused by neck surgery he required afterward, Ferenzo said.
The incident occurred in January 2001. Colaitis went to a chiropractor and three neurosurgeons, and underwent surgery at the New York University Medical Centre in June, 2001, Ferenzo said. That November Colaitis was hospitalised with high fever and died the next day.
Charles Connick, a lawyer for Benihana, contended it was unlikely that a chef who works for tips would toss food at customers after being asked not to, as Ferenzo claimed.
Even so, he said, the cause of Colaitis' death was an infection or neck injury unrelated to the shrimp, Newsday reported yesterday.
AP

[Cosmo Dude]

A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's
attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?", he asks.

"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy looking cowboy.

"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat,
a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper
boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."

"So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.

"Rustlin'...", replies the Sheriff.

[Rupewrecht]

[hillbilly drawl]
Them's banning words, boy!
[/hillbilly drawl]


Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his class but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said. "I'll give you a $1000 if you let me screw you." But the girl said "NO!".

Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.

So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000, by the time you pick up the money he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "What happened...?" She said "THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!"

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.funfreepages.com/mirror/Captain-Obvious_com%20-%20Captain%20Obvious%20and%20The%20Most%20Humiliat ing%20Webcam%20Chat,%20EVER!.htm

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.qldstreetcar.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=13276

[Rupewrecht]

The very existance of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves,

'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to'

[MitchEG]

hey, i hope this isnt a repost but its seriously worth watching, especially towards the end! some crazy japanese magic tricks, enjoy :D

http://images2.jokaroo.net/videos/grandpajapan.wmv

[SehnKhan]

From another forum:


An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand. I want something VERY special."

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by cheque. "I know you need to make sure my cheque is good so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I will pick the ring up Monday afternoon" he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account". "I know" said the old man, "but you can imagine the weekend I had!" :D

[Ripper323]

I can relate to most of these :)

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink,I feel
shame.Then, I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then, I say
to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver'."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So-o-o-o, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
"Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the >whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers!"
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may ! make you think you are
Whispering when you are not.

[shiv323]

got sent this link http://www.emotioneric.com/

if ur ever bored check it out i laughted for ages

[woofy]

watch the movie at http://www.cane-toad.com/

I loved what Baz says (or rather mouths when Victa comes along)

[woofy]

http://www.cartoonland.de/archiv/war-is-not-the-answer/

[mrpayner]

How To Install a Poor-man's Security System:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a really big pair.

Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in an hr." Don't disturb the pit bulls; they've just been de-wormed."

[Rupewrecht]

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs!" "Blowjobs!" the woman replied. "It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true... no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked. The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're gone!'

[mrpayner]

http://www.youtube.com/player.swf?video_id=vEWLwz6JRNE&l=357&s=B4BC76752

[SehnKhan]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y95/bedbod/JohnHoward.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y95/bedbod/JohnHoward004.jpg

[skippy]

http://kalecoauto.com/

[AstinaBoiV6]

hehe i like the im with stupid one... must have been rite timing and clothes for the day

[Drunknmonkeyau]

I got sent a link to this today. (http://www-personal.umich.edu/~afive/stuff/Ultimate%20Showdown%20of%20Ultimate%20Destiny.swf)

Dunno if it's been posted before but i found it pretty damn funny :D

[Rupewrecht]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, &
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions
recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident.

----------------------------------------
(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
************************************************** **********************

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>----------------------------------------
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
----------------------------------------
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
----------------------------------------
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
----------------------------------------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.
----------------------------------------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
----------------------------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[bourbon]

I LIKE MONKEYS
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys

[AstinaBoiV6]

ahahah nice man i loved the part where he gets hit in the genitals :D im still laughing

[bourbon]

yeah that monkey story is a classic...its the only thing i fully read :P

[Rupewrecht]

http://upshizzle.com/files/****ingmoran.gif

A korean Takumii?

[CityEnd]

http://youtube.com/w/Arnold-Rave?v=hH6Z8M__Gms

inz inz inz.... ;)

[Red Frog]

Wailing works for lovelorn humpbacks
SMH - February 3, 2006 - 8:24AM

People have often used song to attract the opposite sex. Now, whales are crooning for love.
A team of researchers from the University of Queensland (UQ) has found proof that male humpback whales spend many hours "singing" in a bid to woo potential partners.
The group has spent the past three years tracking and recording whales during the annual migration season off Peregian Beach, on Queensland's Sunshine Coast, in September and October.

The researchers - UQ PhD student Joshua Smith and his supervisor Dr Michael Noad - confirmed that singing males spent more quality time with females.
They said the songs, which can last up to 23 hours and are mainly made up of chirps, helped sexual interaction between whales.
"Songs appear to be directed more towards females possibly as a courtship and mating display than a signal to warn off or repel rival males," Mr Smith said.

"Singers are joining females with calves more often and singing for a much longer duration with them than any other social group.
"The characteristics of the song are possibly being used by the female to assess these males."
The UQ team is the first research group to provide a link between song and courtship in whales.

So boys, if you want to attract that female you've had your eye on, get some singing lessons!! ;) lol

[AstinaBoiV6]

bahahah that arnold rave is funny as...... :D

[woofy]

ninja love

http://www.youtube.com/w/Ask-A-Ninja%3A-Question-9-%22Ninja-Love%22?v=bnM0NRnoWgs

[Red Frog]

Yahoo's 'Finds of the Year' announced, and they awarded http://www.netdisaster.com the Best Innovative Website prize. The website provides fed-up web surfers with a variety of options to let go of steam, including throwing virtual cow dung or a meteor shower over websites of their choice. There's 29 different modes to choose from ;)

Here's a sample: (hehehe btw Mods, I really don't mean this! AGT rulz :D )
Is this how you feel? (http://www.netdisaster.com/go.php?mode=cow&url=http://www.astinagt.com/)

[Cosmo Dude]

Thanls Leigh,
I have used this on an ex-employer web site and now feel much better :D

[woofy]

Sweet Justice


Melrose Drive , Tullamarine , Victoria . January 16th 2006 : 14.35 hours :

Highway patrol pulls over a Workcover Inspector for doing 68 in a 60 zone.
Workcover Inspector says nothing and cops it sweet.
Policeman finishes writing ticket and proceeds back to his car...........
Workcover Inspector in the mean time, gets digital camera out of bag,
photographs the cop and proceeds to the police car where he issues the
Policeman with an $800.00 fine for not wearing his hi-visibility vest when
leaving his vehicle in a high traffic area.

[boostedbatman]

hahahahaha
Poetic Justice
Bout time someone was able too BITE back

[AstinaBoiV6]

hehe hey question.. is that 10% over the limit safe thing true or not.. coz i talked to a copper and he said thers no such thing as 10% over rule but he also mentioned that some coppers will let u go if u at or under 10% above limit but some dont.. just depends who's been having a bad day really :D

[Rupewrecht]

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/351-MIGHTY-BOY-BURNOUT-CAR-STOKED-TO-A-386-FORD-POWER_W0QQitemZ4609265629QQcategoryZ29691QQssPageN ameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

That. That is the funniest thing i've seen in ages!

[AstinaBoiV6]

bahahaha why would u.. got to admit that engine would crank it up but its not road legal is it?

[Cosmo Dude]

Those bastards stoked it.....
I would have stroked it but I'm not into steam engines ..|..

[woofy]

hehe hey question.. is that 10% over the limit safe thing true or not.. coz i talked to a copper and he said thers no such thing as 10% over rule but he also mentioned that some coppers will let u go if u at or under 10% above limit but some dont.. just depends who's been having a bad day really :D

its gone in VIC since the last few years...you can get done for 63 in a 60 zone now...and i know many ppl that have...lucky I'm not one of them, but its dead easy to do.

[bourbon]

ok not sure if you guys have seen this/these but i find it extremely funny

its a flash cartoon series called SALAD FINGERS....

http://fat-pie.com/salad.htm
http://fat-pie.com/salad2.htm
http://fat-pie.com/salad3.htm
http://fat-pie.com/salad4.htm
http://fat-pie.com/salad5.htm
http://fat-pie.com/salad6.htm
http://fat-pie.com/salad7.htm

[Fro-Daddy]

haha yea salad fingers is cool, you seen the valentines one?

[bourbon]

ummm im not sure...what one is it?

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.fat-pie.com/love.htm

:)

[-BraXta-]

i must say that Salad fingers ... is rather.... ummm odd =P

lol

[woofy]

You should see the other stuff on there.....i've been watching salad fingers for years since about 2004 when he first made one.

[bourbon]

haha yeah they are the most whacked up dudes...but its always funny...yeah ive been watchin it for years...i always am hangin out for a new salad fingers to be made...they take toooooooooooo long :(

[AstinaBoiV6]

www.homestarrunner.com

go to strongbad emails.. they funny..... start from the emails at the bottom of the list as the older 1's r the funnyer 1s

[Fro-Daddy]

BANNERS AND STUFF NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-evildadvsson.html

[Drunknmonkeyau]

Ok, heres sometihng for all the people here that don't get into the valentine's day spirti (like me :p)
http://www.myblackvalentine.com/

Good fun :D

[MrShadow]

http://home.swiftdsl.com.au/~huscroft/images/AstinaGT/img003.jpg

Thursday 9th Feb in the local paper.

[woofy]

She or he must have heard about Mike!

We used to have some funny personal ads stuck on our toilet door in my former house, one was along the lines of:

Rock star in the making!
Male guitarist who is trying to become famous seeks female who loves rock, van halen etc etc, also must love VB, KFC and McDonalds.

Always brought a smile to my face when I read it.

[papatonga]

have a look at this guys.......

when you think you have seen it all.........

http://www.nissansilvia.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=143345&hl=exam

[AstinaBoiV6]

hahah i found x too :p

[Cosmo Dude]

Don't laugh, that crack head is now your doctor.

[AstinaBoiV6]

I found this on the site i usually visit once a day... Its funny u have to watch this..

http://www.break.com/index/ketchupeffect.html

[bourbon]

GUYS DO NOT WATCH...ITS PAINFUL!!!

AND NOT 1 BIT FUNNY! and when i say GUYS youll no what i mean !!!!!!!

[Mad Mat]

GUYS DO NOT WATCH...ITS PAINFUL!!!

AND NOT 1 BIT FUNNY! and when i say GUYS youll no what i mean !!!!!!!
yer that is not funny an i usually can take that kind of humour but that is just sick and wrong

[AstinaBoiV6]

aww common u guys have no sense of humor its not like its happening to you... i guess u gota b european to get it.. dw

[boostedbatman]

Thats just a video of the old joke from the 80s I remember that from primary school
Now has been modernised
Thats wrong

[bourbon]

ohhh dont you worry i get it...but thats like the first time i actually felt the pain from watchin it...

[SehnKhan]

Hat Hair:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v686/dsoda/awesome.jpg

[AstinaBoiV6]

bahaha could start a new craze i think :p

[Nate]

MessageOil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Ultra Tune after driving 10,000kms since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
Oil Change $55.00 Coffee $2.50 Total $57.50



Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $95.00.

2) Stop by Liquorland and buy a case of beer, write a cheque for $30.00, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

Cool Look for 9/16 combination spanner.

9) Give up and use pliers.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil - splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Swear.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) A mate shows up - finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.

1Cool Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to Liquorland buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first Litre of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

2Cool Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground. Wash drain plug in lawn mower fuel.

29) Discover that first Litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid pliers tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floor pan in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin swearing fit.

34) Throw stupid pliers.

35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because pliers hit Miss August

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

3Cool Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during (steps 23-43.)

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

4Cool Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $95.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $60.00
Total $4230.00

But! At least you know the job was done and you know the job was done right!!! ... Don't you!

[woofy]

I must admit I stopped doing my own oil changes or helping my Dad with them, cause it was not worth the hassles....maybe not so many as that, but things always went nuts. I do still do my lawnmower though.....lol

[Rupewrecht]

Three little ducks go into a Bar.


"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck,

"Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"





"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."

[bourbon]

bhaahhhhhahahahaa rupe :D

[SehnKhan]

http://img252.echo.cx/img252/8159/006wo.swf :P

[AstinaBoiV6]

hehe i went throught the red button till it replayed itself

[SehnKhan]

The Simpsons: http://youtube.com/watch?v=49IDp76kjPw

[skippy]

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

*

*

** SPEEDING TICKET

*

** A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very

** nicely if he could see her license.

** She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act

** together. Just yesterday you take away my license

** and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

[mazdamanik]

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/351-MIGHTY-BOY-BURNOUT-CAR-STOKED-TO-A-386-FORD-POWER_W0QQitemZ4609265629QQcategoryZ29691QQssPageN ameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

That. That is the funniest thing i've seen in ages!

you shjould see it in real life....very loud and produces plenty of smoke, used to drive past the guys old house every day and see it there

[the michelinman]

hears one for you guys

http://img54.imageshack.us/img54/6663/speeding3na.jpg

[papatonga]

omg, that is absolutely GOLD

[woofy]

soooo photoshopped though

[Fro-Daddy]

ivee seen that same pic but with "need a crap" written on there...

[woofy]

kill bill mario style

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZOwHbSmCv4

[Toyboy]

Golden haha love it......

[AstinaBoiV6]

confucious say: "man who keep hand in pocket may cum in handy"

[mrpayner]

confucious also say: "man who keep hand in pocket tends to feel cocky"

[Rupewrecht]

Three women were sitting in a bar, (brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.

The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other two asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I conceived so i will have a boy".

The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.

The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!"

[boostedbatman]

Have been busy getting quotes to ship parts from US to here and found this
May have been posted before but take it or leave it
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8181801990250175607

[CHiMPY]

lol.
love how he gets stomped on.

[Nate]

splat

[skippy]

Basic rules for driving in Sydney Australia.

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Sydney Driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave any distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

9. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Sydney is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the RTA, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Sydney to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

14. Remember that the goal of every Sydney driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

15. Real Sydney women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

16. Real Sydney men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

18. There is a common held belief in Sydney that highspeed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.

20. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Mt Druit, Lakemba, Punchbowl and Cabramatta.

21. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

22. It's O.K when driving in Sydney's Western suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "arsehole". But it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged 5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.soufoaklin.com/tattooartist.html

[Cosmo Dude]

http://www.soufoaklin.com/tattooartist.html
Clasic, I've read another one about an english lad who found out that his tattoo said 'this is realy an ugly boy'
I wonder if chineese have tattoos whith english words they don't understand

[the michelinman]

thats so true about sydeny!!!.......lol, is there a melbourne one? going around?

[boostedbatman]

When I was about 14 I was watching "Monkey Magic" and in one of the earlier episodes Monkey must try to fly "off" Buddahs hand. Flying his cloud to what he thought were the 5 pillars at the end of the universe he decided to take a leak on them and write graffiti to prove he made it there (only to later find out he wizzed on Buddahs fingers). Anyway he wrote : King Monkey, Great Sage equal of heaven was here Whilst watching this with my young boy innocence my Asian aunty (who normally didn't get jokes) began to laugh
We were puzzled and asked why and she said that he didn't write what Monkey said he did........
He wrote King Monkey, Great Sage, equal of heaven went swimming
we now found this quite funny also


Im old dammit

[papatonga]

this is something i saw on another forum

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.



ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.



ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?



ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....



ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?



ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?



ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?



ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!



ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

[Rupewrecht]

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c19/marklith/carlsberg.jpg

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c19/marklith/carlsberg.jpg

[CHiMPY]

If only..

[ATOMIC]

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her
dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his
head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed
he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that
since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and as John doesn't, he
should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday
rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2pm sharp and after
paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed
their transaction, as agreed.

John then quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work
at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did John
come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by a few
minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did
he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering
her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

[MAztinA 323]

hahahahhaha

[Rupewrecht]

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."



Apologies to the Kiwis...maybe ;)

[mrpayner]

ORDERING PIZZA IN THE FUTURE

Wanna know how to order a pizza in 2010?
Click on the link below and see... volume.
Listen closely and watch the screen and pointer carefully.
I promise there will be no pop up screaming things!
But listen to the phone conversation.
It is scary enough!
You may laugh and think this is funny, but it could happen.
The technology is already there!!

http://www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf

[Cosmo Dude]

ORDERING PIZZA IN THE FUTURE

Wanna know how to order a pizza in 2010?
Click on the link below and see... volume.
Listen closely and watch the screen and pointer carefully.
I promise there will be no pop up screaming things!
But listen to the phone conversation.
It is scary enough!
You may laugh and think this is funny, but it could happen.
The technology is already there!!

http://www.aclu.org/pizza/images/screen.swf
Already in use but no business will tell you that they use it.

www.baycorp.com.au

Just for a start...

[mrpayner]

Think Geek (http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/usbtanner.shtml) website..

[skippy]

Subject: Fw: Dementia Test .........
> >
> >
> >It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
> >
> >Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we
> >grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert.
> >
> >The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the
> >brain, so... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss
> >of intelligence.
> >
> >So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are
> >losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see
> >the answers until you have made your answer.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >OK, relax, clear your mind and... begin.
> >
> >WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
> >
> >
> >1. What do you put in a toaster?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
> >something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to
> >Question 2.
> >
> >
> >
> >2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the
> >next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even
> >overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading
> >something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"
> >then proceed to question 3.
> >
> >
> >
> >3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from
> >blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house
> >is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks,"
> >what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?????
> >If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
> >
> >
> >
> >4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over
> >Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided
> >into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of
> >the engines fail. The pilot, realising that the last remaining engine is
> >also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the
> >engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in
> >the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.
> >Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in
> >"no man's land"?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.
> >
> >If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try
> >to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be
> >appreciated.
> >If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next
> >question.
> >
> >
> >
> >5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
> >Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading,
> >six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two
> >people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
> >people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on
> >In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at
> >Milford Haven.
> >What was the name of the bus driver?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It
> >was YOU!!
> >
> >
> >Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better
> >than you did.
>

[Fro-Daddy]

i got the greenhouse one wrong...but in the first bit they spelt it as two words, whereas in the answer it was one word...well thats my lame excuse hahaha

[MAztinA 323]

yea i got the plane crash wrong. i said the people wouldn't be buried until germany was one country again, but they were survivors,


UNLESS this was 1943 and the people in the plane were jewish, then i suspect the people were dead.... hehehe cheating the system ;)

[MAztinA 323]

i just thought of this concept tonite, but u could prob think of your own words and make sound good


a police panel van was driving through cabramatta with only 1 police officer inside, but he was still in the T3 lane

OR something else like

police cars can drive in T3 lanes in (insert-somewhere-high-in-crime-place-here) with only one driver


something like that :D

[woofy]

DId that make sense in your head...cause it doesn't in mine!

[MAztinA 323]

yea kinda, well i was driving home from uni after being there for 9 hours, doing 2 assignments the night before and trying to study for a maths test for today, which i did quite well in i think.. so maybe it didnt..

oh and i think this is my 100th post ! yay! hehe :D

[KittyKatSmack]

Don't know how many of you have seen this, but I laughed my box off?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale/

Don't go off half cocked now y'hear!




Now why is Aaron mumbling something about selling my jugs?
*crosses arms*

[bourbon]

HAHAAH OMG KITTY that GOLD! :D

[DarkMaTTer]

rofl - best ebay joke sale ever.

[AstinaBoiV6]

thats about as good as the airguitar this guy bought off ebay for $15 + postage.. hehe ther was a xbox360 BOX for sale b4 and bid was $450.. they didnt realise it said just BOX

[MAztinA 323]

[QUOTE=KittyKatSmack]Don't know how many of you have seen this, but I laughed my box off?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale/

Don't go off half cocked now y'hear!


ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

the part about the milkman reallly cracked me!

also astinaboi - very good! air guitar! hahahahahhaahahahah :D

[woofy]

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since
her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she
and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire
night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the
expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door
opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They
unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she
prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door,
and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat
surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are
done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back
again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for
more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am
thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so
often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were
only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:........."You
mean I was here already?"

[bourbon]

BAHAHAHAH OMG! i love short term memory

or do we call it goldfish memory...thats why gold fish always go around in circles around the bowl...3 second memory they keep forgettin where theyve been

[skippy]

I tell you that thing about goldfish memory is all lies!!
who has ever owned a goldfish? I have it knew which corner it got fed in and anytime someone walked past it would head to its corner, Its not quite ready for its PHD but soon I tell ya,
Siamese fighting fish are smarter again it only goes to its corner when the GF walks past as she is the one that feeds it.

PS yeah I want to have a dog again, dam unit life.

[Rupewrecht]

It's true, goldfish may have the short term memory but they can still be trained to recognise sounds or regular feeding times

[Rupewrecht]

http://www.helpwinmybet.com/

( in short :: a guy placed a bet with his girlfriend that he could make a website with 2 million hits. she didn't believe him, so she signed an agreement that if 2 million hits were reached, she would have a threesome. )

For the good of humanity (well, Jim), click the link!

[bourbon]

HAHA lucky bastard...she is bloody hot too...well id doo her haha..

[skippy]

gold,

Please join skippies count at a link soon to be posted,

[CHiMPY]

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of his crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down.





And saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! It was soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent #$%&^*%," She screamed at him "How could you be lying! to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

[Ian]

I dunno if this has allready been posted but:

http://www.kantipuronline.com/kolnews.php?&nid=69722
alien baby.

[Fro-Daddy]

whoa wtf? reminds me of the harlequin babies (sp?)

[MAztinA 323]

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of his crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down.





And saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! It was soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent #$%&^*%," She screamed at him "How could you be lying! to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

has that been posted b4?.. pretty good anyways! :p

[MAztinA 323]

wait, but isnt that nearly 3 million hits? (2998946 when i went on)

[*blick.]

wait, but isnt that nearly 3 million hits? (2998946 when i went on)

Yeh thats what I saw, and there's HEAPS of girls posting pics of themselves, all trying to get enough votes to be the 3rd in the threesome!

lucky bastard :p

[AstinaBoiV6]

I dunno if this has allready been posted but:

http://www.kantipuronline.com/kolnews.php?&nid=69722
alien baby.

ewwww :eek:

[woofy]

Yeh thats what I saw, and there's HEAPS of girls posting pics of themselves, all trying to get enough votes to be the 3rd in the threesome!

lucky bastard :p

Damn...they don't even know what he looks like, but the 3some girls are HOT.....I keep telling myself they are joke pics....

[Ian]

winmybet.com is getting like 6 hits a second.

This thing is nuts.

[Rupewrecht]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

[BigBoyLemonade]

MUHAHA That is pure gold!

[bourbon]

haha yes its true i love it :D

[mrpayner]

AUSSIE JOKE

A Northern Territory farm hand radios back to the farm manager.

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."

The manager says,"Ok, there's a 303 behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss.Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on".

"Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager.

"Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch."

"You there Boss?"

[Fro-Daddy]

http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/content/livemario29.wmv

[Asty93]

Heres a billiant analagy one for the guys ... but a warning

IF YOUR EASLY OFFENDED BY "SEXIST" JOKES OR ILL LANGUAGE DONT READ



women are like condoms, when there not on your c**k they are in your wallet :p



I dont want to start nething so if this causes trouble just remove it... but im sure there people out there that would get a laugh ... im one

[MAztinA 323]

i could not stop laughing at this!!!!

http://lists.apagnu.se/hypermail/humor/0402.html

[boostedbatman]

Thats one of the funniest things I've ever seen
I love it
Pure Gold

[CHiMPY]

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat b*stard.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag from the butt of your last one.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roof.

Hyundai drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

[Fro-Daddy]

haha nice one!

check this shizz out...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/rubberjohnny.html

best thing ive seen in a long time...

[Ian]

What The fu*k?

[Beckie]

I don't get it!

[woofy]

um thats just odd

[AstinaBoiV6]

Well i saw this while i was on Break.com which is a site i usually check once every 2 days for funny stuff...

Ok heres a video of a guy goin through different memorable songs and dancing to them in the style of the time.... SOO VERY FUNNY... hes a champ i wish i knew how to dance like that...

http://www.break.com/index/evolutiondance.html

Watch it i swear u'l laugh.. :p

[Fro-Daddy]

hahah thats well done!

[Rupewrecht]

Two IT guys were chatting in a bar after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar." "What did you do?" says the other IT guy. "Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off." "You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy. "I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop." "Really? You got a new laptop?"

[MAztinA 323]

ohhhhhhh haha, took me about 15secs to get it, thought the IT guys were some sort of players (the 'in' group at school-the 'it' guys..)

I.T.

hahahahhahahhha very good!

[platypus]

i likes it

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3x92lEsZcE&search=Ask%20A%20Ninja

there are a few eps on there...

[MAztinA 323]

hhaahahahh absolutley brilliant fro daddy!

[SehnKhan]

Terminator 4: VIEW TRAILER (http://www.badmutsen.nl/archives/2006/05/terminator_4_re.php)

[AstinaBoiV6]

hahha i am ninja

[Red Frog]

hehehehe got this as a fwd lol
dinner anyone? ;) hahaha

http://www.office-humour.co.uk/g/i/3984/

actually, come to think of it, maybe i should post this on Nate's "pet" thread ;) hahahaha :D

[marcs_sp20]

hehehehe got this as a fwd lol
dinner anyone? ;) hahaha

http://www.office-humour.co.uk/g/i/3984/

actually, come to think of it, maybe i should post this on Nate's "pet" thread ;) hahahaha :D

That left me feeling ill....

[platypus]

That left me feeling ill....
whats so bad about a Honda with a broken fan belt?

[MAztinA 323]

!!!!!! .... eewww!! that really freaked me out! i was just expecting a broken fan belt after platypuss post lol
(acura)

[Red Frog]

hahaha i was eating dinner at the time....i felt pretty sick too! lol and the fact that it's head is intact and looks fine, then u follow the blood, etc.... :eek:

[Bailey87]

You should see the other stuff on there.....i've been watching salad fingers for years since about 2004 when he first made one.
i would have to say that i rather the milkman one, now that is funny :)

[Rupewrecht]

Q. What do you call it when John Hopoate and Wendell Sailor start a band?




A. Powderfinger

[Ripper323]

Frankston Monopoly (http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2109506892)
If it's not the first photo that comes up, go to photo number 6. Any one from Melbourne will find the humour and truth in it!!

[Rupewrecht]

damned seaford hilbillies :p



http://www.107.peugeot.co.uk/peugeot.swf

a bit of fun. been around before, but it's rebranded for Pugs this time


edit: my best time is now 45.1...I really should stop playing this and do some work!

[MAztinA 323]

wow, i got 16 point something secs just then (after 3 tries), nice find rupe!!!!

[nat_daly]

i would have to say that i rather the milkman one, now that is funny :)
oh really?
u like watching the milkman get his head cut off?, and then the milkmans wife being killed and then raped.. and then the little girl being shot in the head also?
ur wierd
wanna go out some time?

[MAztinA 323]

james bond likes his martinis shaken not stirred and his women shaven not furred

[Rupewrecht]

i cbf getting rid of the arrows

1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid
>problem?
>2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
>realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him
>to forgive me.
>3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
>swimming.
>4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on
>with my real ladder.
>5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But
>one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my
>bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was
>sticks and stones all the way.
>6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
>he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
>7) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
>better have a good hand.
>8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said
>Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'
>9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
>meat?
>10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
>give the wrong answers.
>11) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
>
>Peter Kay's Questions
>1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
>2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the
>core of the earth
>3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
>4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your back side
>5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
>stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
>6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
>centuries have a 'use by' date?
>8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
>crisp no one would eat?
>9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
>10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
>squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
>11. What do people in China call their good plates?
>12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
>point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?
>13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
>14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars
>in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint
>somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
>16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
>you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the
>window?
>
>Peter Kay's Universal Truths
>1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
>2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
>3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
>pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
>4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
>5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
>calculator.
>8) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
>9) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
>10) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
>11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
>12) the most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
>teacher mum or dad.
>13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
>through and then raced against the flush.
>14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
>15) You never ever run out of salt.
>16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
>your hand or head stuck in something.
>17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
>18) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
>arm broken by a swan.
>19) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
>upturned plug.
>20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
>21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
>specifically to stir paint with.
>22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
>

[marcs_sp20]

hahahaha Gold at the last post rupe! was very entertaining :D

[Rupewrecht]

http://www.shockerstickers.com/store/images/DSC00219.JPG

[MAztinA 323]

hahahahha, these ones are brillant!:

7. Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
11. You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp no one would eat?
15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars
in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint
somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

lol, even i did this in the naughtys..
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.

[Mad Mat]

hahahahha, these ones are brillant!:

7. Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
11. You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp no one would eat?
15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars
in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint
somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

lol, even i did this in the naughtys..
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.


that is just farken go stuff there man. i still do the calculator thing. lol 338008 .

hey but my dad took his computer to game dude in brissy. because it was making this crappe noise. they had a look at it for like 3 days and called back and said."hey we fixed ur computer. it was a id-10t error. but we just used a PCBKAC to fix it." lol when he told me this i just LMFAO. :p

[MAztinA 323]

133780085
wait, too long and only works one way up hehe

[CityEnd]

that is just farken go stuff there man. i still do the calculator thing. lol 338008 .

hey but my dad took his computer to game dude in brissy. because it was making this crappe noise. they had a look at it for like 3 days and called back and said."hey we fixed ur computer. it was a id-10t error. but we just used a PCBKAC to fix it." lol when he told me this i just LMFAO. :p

i don't get the "PCBKAC"?

[Cosmo Dude]

Problem Caused Between Keyboard And Chair

[chipa]

I always preferred blaming it on the "Code 18 error"


i.e. the error is 18 inches from the screen.

[Beckie]

http://s80.photobucket.com/albums/j180/Angel-Bec/?action=view&current=SchoolBus.flv

Has anyone seen this before? I reckon it's awesum :)

(Hmm, tried to go through the link a couple of times and it keeps coming up blank. but if you refresh the page, it comes up with the clip. im confused!!)

[MAztinA 323]

wow!! that is absolutley insane!!!!!!!!!! how did he do that!??! lol

oh and it worked 1st time for me

[AstinaBoiV6]

Q:what Do Lebs And Cigaretts Have In Common?

A: Everyone Wants Them Banned From Clubs And They Come In Packs Of 25

[mrpayner]

http://s80.photobucket.com/albums/j180/Angel-Bec/?action=view&current=SchoolBus.flv

Has anyone seen this before? I reckon it's awesum :)
http://www.mrpayner.com/images/otto.gif

Dude!

[LordWorm]

i don't get the "PCBKAC"?
Also known as PEBKAC.. problem EXISTS between keyboard and chair...i prefer this one, cos you can pronounce it ;)

[Beckie]

Q:what Do Lebs And Cigaretts Have In Common?

A: Everyone Wants Them Banned From Clubs And They Come In Packs Of 25

...was there any reason for that? I don't find racial jokes funny. Grow Up.

[LordWorm]

...was there any reason for that? I don't find racial jokes funny. Grow Up.
It was a pretty tame racial joke...

[Beckie]

but still. not really necessary.
Don't want to start crap tho. Forget I said anything.

[Rupewrecht]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyHiIeBsc9E&search=oblivion%20book%20dominoes

Game developers need a life. Seriously!

[MAztinA 323]

lol! is that a real game??! how slow was everything-especially those swords! lol

[Ian]

its an ingame shot from oblivion.

We did stuff like this when I was developing my final title for my games development diploma before I started my current degree. Man that was an awesome year of my life, id relive it given the chance... (Old nestalgia ftw)

Bec, your going out with me.... And you get upset with a little racial joke? Wow. Do I piss you off ever? Id say so....

[boostedbatman]

Ian she has a valid point
There are better places to post these things , sometimes its best for MSN

[Mad Mat]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyHiIeBsc9E&search=oblivion%20book%20dominoes

Game developers need a life. Seriously!

what the fark. u gamers need to get a life. if u have no time then find a hobbie. gosh. this is not towards u ian. u have a gf and a nice car. u have a life. the person that make this obviously has lots of free time

[Ian]

yes yes I know that pete, but my point was something elese entierly.

Mat: That actually doesent take all that long to setup something like that, provided you allready have a working physics engine. If done with code alot of it can be proceedually (spelling) generated. If done manually, it still doesent take all that long.

I have been working on my hobby game which I plan to release to the public free of charge on and off for about a year now. Hmm, actually, its going to advance past alpha stages soon, were gona need testers... I will post a new thread here, see if anyones intrested.

[mrpayner]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit worse for wear, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why. He said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, Cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted." :p

[AstinaBoiV6]

read that b4 but it was with a guy not a chick,, good joke but its been reversed soo many times. lol

[tubs323]

dont know if anyones seen this one yet??? www.rathergood.com. the ones down the side of the page are best!

[Ian]

Welcome to the forums!

Yeah there not bad

[platypus]

i like the moon!!!

[tubs323]

probably best if youve seen a bit of h/p for this one!
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=17390

[Mad Mat]

probably best if youve seen a bit of h/p for this one!
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=17390


lol hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha thats farking funny. i lmfao. :P :D

[LordWorm]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWL6j0SvqV0

PACMAN THE MOFFEEEE!!!
=)

[ATOMIC]

what the fark. u gamers need to get a life. if u have no time then find a hobbie. gosh. this is not towards u ian. u have a gf and a nice car. u have a life. the person that make this obviously has lots of free time

Gaming is a hobbie.

[mrpayner]

lol.. President George W. Bush (http://www.badmash.org/videos/harlan.php?v=george_bush_512K_Stream.flv&t=Harlan%20McCraney,%20Presidential%20Speechologis t)

Ad's

[Cincinnatus]

I know how well racial jokes have been going down here lately, but this ones really cute, for the sydney residents:
Theiss is bulding a new tunnel between Lackemba and Canterbury, the middle eastern distributor. ;)

[mrpayner]

Howzat! Shane Warne flogs middle stump again! (http://media.smh.com.au/?rid=18995&sy=smh&source=undefined&t=08MEE1&player=wm6&rate=296&flash=0&ie=0)

Ad's

[CityEnd]

lol.. President George W. Bush (http://www.badmash.org/videos/harlan.php?v=george_bush_512K_Stream.flv&t=Harlan%20McCraney,%20Presidential%20Speechologis t)

Ad's

argh! 2 wrongs don't make a right!!.. 2 ppl i can't stand, just didn't work for me.. haha

[CityEnd]

http://www.break.com/index/discrimination.html
poor guy, no one gave him a chance.. LOL

[Fro-Daddy]

R Rated hypnotist


http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=412

[Red Frog]

http://www.break.com/index/discrimination.html
poor guy, no one gave him a chance.. LOL

hahaha lol how funny! "we better get outta here. the cops are coming" lol now how many times hav u had to say that b4? brings bak memories. ahh.

[Red Frog]

http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=522

oh that one is a killer. i just lost my dinner.......oh gawd

[Rupewrecht]

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

* You have two sheep.

* You sell one and buy a ram.

* Your flock multiplies, and the economy grows.

* You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: (Workchoices!)

* You have two sheep.

* You sell one, and force the other to produce the wool of four sheep.

* You are surprised when the sheep drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* You go on strike because you want three sheep.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary sheep and produce 20 times the wool.

* You then create clever sheep cartoon images called Sheepkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and shear themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* Both die from foot and mouth.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep, but you don't know where they are.

* You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* You count them and learn you have five sheep.

* You count them again and learn you have 42 sheep.

* You count them again and learn you have 12 sheep.

* You stop counting sheep and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

* You have 5,000 sheep, none of which belong to you.

* You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* You have 300 people shearing them.

* You claim full employment, high productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:

* You have two sheep.

* That one on the left is kinda cute...

[marcs_sp20]

DA VINCI CODE
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:


It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be
at least
three thousand years old!


The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists
from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge
meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:


"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."


Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.


The audience applauded enthusiastically.


Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,"Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!!!

http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/6809/untitled7yh.png

[bourbon]

Click here to find out your name in russian (http://www.callme.nm.ru/)

go to it :D


okk

**EDIT** NWS WARNING!!!

[marcs_sp20]

Click here to find out your name in russian (http://www.callme.nm.ru/)

go to it :D

Thats just wrong on so many levels!

[AstinaBoiV6]

it didnt work.. its the same in english and russian :p

[CityEnd]

that needs a *nws* warning

[marcs_sp20]

http://img77.imageshack.us/img77/9845/lol7yq.jpg

[marcs_sp20]

http://img436.imageshack.us/img436/8497/haynesenterprise6fd.jpg

[bourbon]

http://img436.imageshack.us/img436/8497/haynesenterprise6fd.jpg

ahhahah thats a classic...

[marcs_sp20]

http://img68.imageshack.us/img68/9020/vader4sp.jpg

LMAO this is classic!

[MAztinA 323]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

starship is gold also! ;)

also, what is NWS?

[Ian]

Uugh

I didnt know. Clicked on the link. Put in my name.

Dont.

[Rupewrecht]

also, what is NWS?

Not Work Safe :)

[CityEnd]

http://img77.imageshack.us/img77/9845/lol7yq.jpg

hm.. that guy has the same smile as nate LOL

[AstinaBoiV6]

ahahah well put... could it be a photochop??? :p

[boostedbatman]

Wipe your chin

[Rupewrecht]

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm screwed, who will want a one legged gold digger?".

His mate says "Try Paul McCartney".

[mrpayner]

http://ric323.com/img/trunk_monkey.wmv

[bourbon]

hahaha mrpayner i love that :p

[CityEnd]

lol that's a great ad adam, but what's it for? lol

[Nate]

havent read this thread in a while ... what a crack up ... loving the middle eastern distibutor ... thats classic and the sheep one i nearly fell off the chair :p :o you found pictures of my civic!!

[Red Frog]

http://img77.imageshack.us/img77/9845/lol7yq.jpg

hahaha that guy looks exactly like my friend's b/f, but i wouldn't see him w/ a honda....
lol at "nate grin" hahaha

[Ripper323]

Tiger Wood's new yacht, trying to be one better than Greg Norman!

Here (http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2105412641)

[tubs323]

have a look at these way over done gay looking cars!!!

http://www.topgear.com/content/timetoburn/sections/carbage/pages/0477/

[AstinaBoiV6]

http://break.com/index/sundaybush.html

i thought this was daim funny.. i wonder how long it took them to make this.. its a good song lol

[tubs323]

i love things that are so stupid that they are funny:D , so anyone who likes things that are so stupid that they are funny should look at these :
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/french.php
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/taters

[Rupewrecht]

in the spirit of the whole soccer thing atm...

---

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother."

So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father."

Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday." The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head four times and says: "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says; "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes dad I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you German Bastards!"

[Rupewrecht]

Fully siiik circle work

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GNB7xT3rNE

[TStar]

http://www.goregasm.com/view/105/Moose_vs_Car

[AstinaBoiV6]

this should be redirected to funny things you have seen lately thread..

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.laurel-travel.ru/kreo/chelovechek.html

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GNB7xT3rNE

BAHHAHAA

[Fro-Daddy]

maybe some NWS banners/side thingys

http://videos.humpingfrog.com/14704/2006/06/mentos-and-diet-coke-show.html

[Melbastina]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GNB7xT3rNE

BAHHAHAA

Thats a frikin classic!

Although with petrol prices the way theyre goin more of us might be doin that...

[CityEnd]

Fully siiik circle work

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GNB7xT3rNE

don't worry dan, i noticed you posted this 5 post before fro-daddy :P

[Rupewrecht]

LOL! all good - i hadn't even noticed he'd reposted

[Fro-Daddy]

haha sorry bout that :P

[Rupewrecht]

http://www.givemeaname.com/

how bizarre!

[Rupewrecht]

"Dogs leave piles of crap for each other. We have Myspace."

[marcs_sp20]

Kids in the back seat can cause accidents......Accidents in the back seat can cause kids......

[CityEnd]

http://www.6park.com/enter1/messages/48093.html 7.13 mins long

http://www.6park.com/enter1/messages/48094.html 5.34mins long

couldn't stop laughin!

[Fro-Daddy]

prolly a tad not work safe...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gNsDp2N6yM

[Fro-Daddy]

and another

http://www.6park.com/enter1/messages/48094.html