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Old 29-05-2013, 09:27 PM   #2661
HAIGHIE
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sikwitit View Post
what a playa
W! T! F! did I just watch,

officially would never go the because of that add. what happened to the old yellow pages.

and why the hell was he grinding the gear ??
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Old 29-05-2013, 09:35 PM   #2662
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HAIGHIE View Post
W! T! F! did I just watch,

officially would never go the because of that add. what happened to the old yellow pages.

and why the hell was he grinding the gear ??
yeah im with you on that one andy W! T! F! its like the Borat of transmissions

anyway have a laugh at this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYsTw3PQKYA
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Old 29-05-2013, 09:47 PM   #2663
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hahah I've herd this before absolute laugh.

but yes something like that just still would never go there
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:22 PM   #2664
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Old 05-06-2013, 09:43 AM   #2665
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I thought of myself...

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Old 13-06-2013, 01:37 PM   #2666
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Old 30-06-2013, 12:05 PM   #2667
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Old 30-06-2013, 12:43 PM   #2668
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Ha, love the Mustang one.
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Old 30-06-2013, 01:02 PM   #2669
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How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Old 07-07-2013, 10:02 PM   #2670
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Old 07-07-2013, 10:05 PM   #2671
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LOL! took me a moment to figure out what was wrong with that picture.
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Old 08-07-2013, 05:17 AM   #2672
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Haha.
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Old 09-07-2013, 10:01 AM   #2673
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Old 04-08-2013, 11:29 AM   #2674
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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response. So, the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again, there is no response.

So, he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"Clyde, for the fifth time... CHICKEN!"
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Old 18-11-2013, 03:51 AM   #2675
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So I've been down at schoolies at surfers paradise helping out with red frogs. Tonight I got to read a few of the quotes from calls taken tonight. One read

Schoolie: hi there
RF: yes how can I help
Schoolie: I need a walk home to my hotel
RF: ok, where are you and what hotel are you staying at
Schoolie: oh sorry, Ive just been told that I'm already at my apartment!

Hahaha. That's why you don't get wasted. Have a good night. Oh wait, it's 4am. End of shift!
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Old 04-12-2013, 02:42 PM   #2676
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Old 30-01-2014, 07:06 PM   #2677
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Redneck murders are hard to solve. There are no dental records and all their DNA is the same.



Two fish are swim into a concrete wall, one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
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Old 10-03-2014, 08:01 PM   #2678
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Learning English the Japanese way
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Old 03-05-2014, 10:00 PM   #2679
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Old 01-07-2014, 11:54 AM   #2680
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