funny things i've been sent lately

[platypus]

thats why i tried to make it correct...

and as long as people pick aprt movies, they will pick apart pictures

[Silencer]

From a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favourite!
9:30 am Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favourite!
9:40 am Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favourite!
10:30 am Oh Boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My Favourite!
11:30 am Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favourite!
Noon Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favourite!
1:00 pm Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favourite!
4:00 pm Oh Boy! To the Park! My Favourite!
5:00 pm Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favourite!
5:30 pm Oh Boy! Pretty Mums! My Favourite!
6:00 pm Oh Boy! Playing Ball! My Favourite!
6:30 pm Oh Boy! Watching TV with my Master! My favourite!
8:30 pm Oh Boy! Sleeping in Master's Bed! My Favourite!


From a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 183 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I
get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair; must try this on their
bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what
a good little cat I was.

Hmmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell of food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was
due to my power of "allergies". I must learn what this is and how to use it
to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The Dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously
a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He
speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due
to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

[CityEnd]

hahaha i always knew cats were evil

[lamby1986]

thats why im not a cat person
dont get me wrong tho, i like cats, they taste like chicken

[Cosmo Dude]

Their is more than one way to skin a cat but only a limited number of ways to cook them.

[geetee]

DARLING.......GET THAT F**KING CAT OUT OFF THE BED!!!!! :lol:

[SehnKhan]

Nuts Tetris

http://www.heavy.com/collegiate/tetris-finals100.php

[lamby1986]

that ... is ... insane ... :shock:

[Cosmo Dude]

:shock: That defies exclamation :shock:

[geetee]

kids game anyway!!! :mrgreen:

[SFC01]

That was in real time wasn't it??? :shock:

[Nate]

someone has noooooo life!! (no it wasnt me :evil: )

[Silencer]

PICKUP LINES THAT MAY GET YOU KILLED
> >
> > 1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut
> > in your hole?
> >
> > 2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and
> > wear you like a feedbag.
> >
> > 3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be
> > you by morning!
> >
> > 4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or
> > fertilized?
> >
> > 5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name
> > to go with your face.
> >
> > 6. My love for you is like diarrhea-I just can't
> > hold it in.
> >
> > 7. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like
> > spaghetti. Let's go ****.
> >
> > 8. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love
> > to tap that ass!
> >
> > 9. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left
> > leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
> >
> > 10. You remind me of a championship bass-I don't
> > know whether to mount you or eat you!
> >
> > 11. Your parents must be retarded because you are
> > special.
> >
> > 12. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the
> > inside?
> >
> > 13. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I =
> > 69?
> >
> > 14. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold
> > your mouth open and I'll put my head in.

[Cosmo Dude]

Originally Posted by Silencer

PICKUP LINES THAT MAY GET YOU KILLED.

Yep, you try any of those on my uncle Trev and you'd be right :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Silencer]

How To Survive A Shark Attack

1: Don't swim in the ocean.
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally
large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you
are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be
salty.(Exception: the Dead Sea.)

2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to recreate in an ocean, listen
carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous documentary
film "Jaws." All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da"
chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer.

This is due to the doppler effect.

3: Swim with fat people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know
them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1
Steak Sauce.

This will definitely improve your odds.

4: Don't panic.
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling.

[lamby1986]

i've used a couple of those lines with somewhat mixed results. its in the delivery. ie make it sound like a joke that you are using as an ice breaker, and they usually laugh and will start a chat. If however, you stuff the delivery, you be in trouble tonight.

As for the shark attacks, y is only 99% of attacks in water, where are the otherones, around the poker table? :roll:

[platypus]

i used one of them the other night and she said yes...

probably coz we have been for the last 2 1/2 years i guess

[Red Frog]

wot wot wot?? oh, i missed sth.......which one was it, the lion tamer one? i think i may have been asleep oops :wink:
2 sleeps to go!!!

[platypus]

lalala

btw 1 sleep till we go

[geetee]

hey kids........please don`t pick your nose!!! :shock: