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Old 31-07-2004, 12:44 PM   #1
KittyKatSmack
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AstinaGT Big Brother 2004

Day 1 - Lantis admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of JynX. He says he looks like a gay. As it turns out, BigMal is in fact the only gay in the house, although Rupewrecht later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Cosmic Rod creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Nate hits him with a George Forman Grill.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Batman Bridge out of Tacos. After much persuasion by Cosmic Rod, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Batman Bridge task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Rupewrecht, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Tacos. Nate is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Batman Bridge task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Rupewrecht farts and blows Batman Bridge over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. JynX cries.

6 - Cosmic Rod gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, JynX admits that he likes to be spanked on the arse with a George Forman Grill. Lantis says he never wears condoms because they make his arsehole sore and Cosmic Rod agrees. BigMal goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Rupewrecht sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Cosmic Rod.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Lantis goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Nate and JynX are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Lantis.

9 - Nate and JynX are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. BigMal sings them a song - What About Me - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote JynX out of the house. He pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that he should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. JynX leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with JynX's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. BigMal has to make do without the cucumber he requested. Nate is visibly depressed and is comforted by Cosmic Rod, who tries to touch him on his butt.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Cosmic Rod touching Nate's butt over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Rupewrecht refuses to run because his arsehole hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Rupewrecht finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Nate calls Rupewrecht a lazy arsehole.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Lantis tells everyone individually that he thinks Nate is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Nate and Cosmic Rod are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Lantis.

16 - The nominations are announced. Nate can't believe he's been voted out two weeks in a row. Cosmic Rod is equally stunned and turns to Nate for comfort. Rupewrecht is distraught and confesses to BigMal that he thinks he is in love with Cosmic Rod. BigMal says he doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and he's a gay, you know

17 - The public vote Cosmic Rod out of the house. Nate says he is gutted and even gives Cosmic Rod a clipping of hair from his butt crack to prove how much he cares. Rupewrecht is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Cosmic Rod leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Nate clipping the hair from his butt crack. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bangladesh in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bangladesh sounds like but Rupewrecht says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Lantis as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Lantis successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bangladesh but also God Save The Queen, What About Me and the theme tune to Baywatch. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Lantis tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Rupewrecht and BigMal are nominated.

23 - Rupewrecht and BigMal take their nominations well and sit down with Lantis and Nate to discuss why they voted for them. Lantis keeps quiet but Nate accuses Rupewrecht of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centered arsehole before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote BigMal out of the house and nobody really gives a ****. BigMal leaves.

25 - Lantis becomes the first housemate to have a w@nk. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Lantis's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a w@nker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Gorilla dung using only a George Forman Grill. Lantis is unsure but Rupewrecht is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Rupewrecht breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Gorilla incident from his childhood. Nate tries to persuade him to stay but Lantis sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Rupewrecht decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Gorilla dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Nate from a couple of moldy carrots he found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final eviction. Lantis asks Nate to marry him and he accepts. Unsurprisingly Lantis nominates Nate to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Nate.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Nate graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Lantis is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, he also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Lantis takes his $1,000,000 and runs away to Bangladesh. Nobody, including Nate, ever sees him again.

*This is a randomely generated text, using the given names, these are not a true representation of the characters personality.
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Old 31-07-2004, 12:58 PM   #2
Nate
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:roll:

thats my $100000 biatch give that back!!
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Old 31-07-2004, 02:23 PM   #3
Cosmo Dude
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You can have your hair back and shove it in your george forman grill
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Old 01-08-2004, 07:59 AM   #4
geetee
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think your self lucky cosmic rod...........there can`t be that many 18 year old`s with surplus hair in their butt crack`s!!! :lol: :lol:
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Old 01-08-2004, 02:06 PM   #5
lamby1986
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The product placement of the George Forman Grill is barely noticeable
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Old 02-08-2004, 05:42 AM   #6
geetee
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did some one mention a george forman grill???
i must have missed that.......... :?
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Old 02-08-2004, 08:01 AM   #7
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man I always cry.
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Old 14-08-2004, 09:21 PM   #8
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OMG thats soooo damn funny !!!!

i just fell off my chair !!! there are tears !!! tears i tell u !!! HAHAHA
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If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40.
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