Funny things you've been sent lately...

[Clean_Cookie]

i never realised what the point of these emails was before... they ask for money! somehow ive missed this every time one of these rediculious things arrives.

[marcs_sp20]

First Christmas Email Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Scotland reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just
what do those symbolize?'

The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins......

[Cosmo Dude]

Originally Posted by tc3_racer_001

i never realised what the point of these emails was before... they ask for money! somehow ive missed this every time one of these rediculious things arrives.

Part of it is to see if there is some one stupid enough to read it so they can target you with other scams.

Replying to spam = FAIL

[mikey_something]

well while we are on the spam topic.
i received a rather large and ... well not conceivable but... more backgrounded and researched than most... scam


"

Hello My Dear,
I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart.With due respect trust and humanity, i appeal to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter i feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, honestly i am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, i will really like to have a good relationship with you and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you, i decided to contact you due to the urgency of my situation,My name is Miss.Mary Kipkalya Kones, 23yrs old female and I held from Kenya in Africa.

My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya. The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June,2008. You can read more about the crash through the below

site:http://edition.cnn.com/ 2008/WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya. crash/index.html

After the burial of my father, my stepmother and uncle conspired and sold my father's property to an italian Expertrate which the shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me. One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instuction to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas. I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust.

But rather take me as your own sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convinc ed me that you may be the true person to help me. Moreso, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my stepmother have threaten to assinate me. The amount is( $5.8 USD )Million United State Dollars, and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival,

You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.

Am waiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self for now untill the bank will transfer the fund. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am affraid of my weaked stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone ,I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited these money with my name as the next of Kin.I have the documents for the claims.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss Mary Kipkalya Kones.

"

[chewyryce]

[Ghoru]

DO NOT follow any links in the following


Hi john,

Your friend PAYPAL PAYMENT RECEIVED wants you to be in the know with all the latest Bloom news.

To read the article of interest your friend has selected, please click here to view.

Your friend says:
http://megalototo.co.cc/ http://corptosan.co.cc/ Hi How "The Lottery Black Book" System Works? Step #1 * Get yourself a notebook only for the lottery. Establish the lotto game that you want to play and track down the winning numbers exactly how I teach you in my book. Step #2 * After you have all the winning numbers, apply this simple FORMULA (find it in my book) that gives you the 48. 7% chance of winning every time we play. Step #3 * Wait for the results and see how it worked. If you win, go and take your prize. I repeat, there s a big chance to win the very first time & but it can happen that you may not win. Don t despair & I told you that the efficiency of my FORMULA can be seen within just a few weeks. Step #4 * If you win, repeat the process over and over again. If you don t win & be patient and play again. It s more of a When situation instead of an IF . Step #5 * Don t share your information with anyone else. Think what would happen if all the players have the secret key & Extra steps (recommended by me): Step #6 * After you WIN, be careful to keep a low profile. There are a lot of desperate people, especially with this crisis, who will do anything for your money. Step #7 * Make a donation. This way youll be achieving peace of mind. It feels good & Don t be greedy! CLICK HERE TO GET INSTANT ACCESS! http://megalototo.co.cc/ http://corptosan.co.cc/ Best Regards, The Lotto Black Book Team http://megalototo.co.cc/ http://corptosan.co.cc/


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Funny because 1 my name is not john and 2 paypal payment recieved is not a contact its a subject line lol

[chewyryce]

[phildough]

Originally Posted by chewyryce

That is classic,
Love it.

[Rupewrecht]

Ha, gold

[bourbon]

Originally Posted by chewyryce

hahahahahahahahha that is hilarious, could just imagine how patrick would react hahahahaha

our aircon at home is a "midea" and i wanna write "cle" infront of it for **** and giggles

[RustyKaos]

Here's another funny ebay auction.

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/PRONOVIAS-WED...item1e603c204f

[marcs_sp20]

Same Sex marriage

Michael and Larry got married in California .
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house in Corner Brook for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'


Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '


After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'




He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

[marcs_sp20]

Kiwi Joke:


Is this the police??

Yes it is. How can we help you?'

'I'm calling to report my neighbour, Rangi. He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!'

'Thank you very much for the call.'

Early next morning, police officers descend on Rangi's house in great numbers.

They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece
of firewood but they find no cocaine.They swear at Rangi and leave.

The phone rings at Rangi's house.

'Hey, Rangi, Did the cops come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop up your firewood?'

'Yeah.'

'Happy Birthday bro!'

[NaughtyGT]

Originally Posted by marcs_sp20

Kiwi Joke:


Is this the police??

Yes it is. How can we help you?'

'I'm calling to report my neighbour, Rangi. He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood!'

'Thank you very much for the call.'

Early next morning, police officers descend on Rangi's house in great numbers.

They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece
of firewood but they find no cocaine.They swear at Rangi and leave.

The phone rings at Rangi's house.

'Hey, Rangi, Did the cops come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop up your firewood?'

'Yeah.'

'Happy Birthday bro!'

Heard that one before. Priceless

[Mad Mat]

[bourbon]

mat your post was worth while!!!

[chicaboo]

He tried to link a photo from facebook, but failed gayly.

[mikey_something]

he did indeed lol... :P
i link all my car pics from facebook. its quicker uploading than photobucket.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmcMG4uxiHk

i literally cried with laughter
after youve watched it... and thought "well it cant be too hard"
play it...
http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

[RustyKaos]

I got to 12m than gave up. :d

[NaughtyGT]

Originally Posted by bourbon

mat your post was worth while!!!

wasn't it just

Here's 1 I found that gave me a good cack

Your Duck is Dead--

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's
chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the
vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean
you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"
she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."