Funny things you've been sent lately... - Page 95

mikey_something · 04-08-2010, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marcs_sp20

Your on a Horse, galloping away at speed. On your left is a sharp dropoff, on your left is an Elephant travelling at the same speed as you... Directly infront of you is a Kangaroo and your Horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a Lion, and he's chasing!!!

What must you do to safely to get out of this highly dangerous situation???

Get off the Merry-Go-Round and act ya farkin age!!!

there appears to be nothing on my right... so i'd go there

RustyKaos · 04-08-2010, 10:41 AM

was thinking the same thing.

lol

mikey_something · 04-08-2010, 11:28 AM

yeah that or the elephant is levitating... :O

marcs_sp20 · 04-08-2010, 01:08 PM

Woops my bad, I had to re-write it as the original text was in caps lock

marcs_sp20 · 04-08-2010, 01:10 PM

A Weeks worth of Jokes:

MONDAY

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

TUESDAY

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No ****?'

WEDNESDAY

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

THURSDAY

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'

FRIDAY

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

SATURDAY

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old tall, tan and terrific "hoochie-mamma" who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

SUNDAY

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'

A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!

NaughtyGT · 04-08-2010, 03:35 PM

Saturday's is a doozy

70NYD · 04-08-2010, 06:13 PM

hahahahaha man that kept me going on the bus today i was laughing like a retard LOL

BGSP · 04-08-2010, 07:46 PM

Hilarious man

BGSP · 04-08-2010, 09:06 PM

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

mikey_something · 05-08-2010, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BGSP

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

oh see thats just messed up lol

Cosmo Dude · 05-08-2010, 03:20 PM

chicaboo · 05-08-2010, 04:08 PM

Lactose intolerant?

chicaboo · 07-08-2010, 03:03 PM

I hope they bring this out for the 360...

RustyKaos · 07-08-2010, 09:16 PM

LMAO. Now that is funny.

marcs_sp20 · 07-08-2010, 09:29 PM

NaughtyGT · 07-08-2010, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cosmo dude

oh for ****s sake won't let me put smileys????? LMAO instead

Quote:

Originally Posted by chicaboo

I hope they bring this out for the 360...

oh for ****s sake won't let me put smileys????? LMAO instead

Cosmo Dude · 12-08-2010, 07:49 AM

Rupewrechts latest contaner has left port.

mkid · 12-08-2010, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cosmo Dude

Rupewrechts latest contaner has left port.

thats awesome lol

Rupewrecht · 12-08-2010, 09:28 AM

Haha, i used to have a slight fear of that happening! More because of all the cool stuff at the bottom of the ocean than me having to refund everyone!

Rupewrecht · 12-08-2010, 09:41 AM

6 Indisputable Truths

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.

2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3. And discover #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face

04-08-2010, 10:41 AM	#1882
RustyKaos Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: North Side Brisbane Car: 1998 BA 323 Astina Hardtop Posts: 1,414 View Photos By: RustyKaos	was thinking the same thing. lol __________________ Everytime an idiot dies, 20 more are born. Come challenge me. I dare ya.

04-08-2010, 11:28 AM	#1883
mikey_something Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NSW Car: 1998 Toyota Supra 3.0L Twin Turbo Posts: 1,413 View Photos By: mikey_something	yeah that or the elephant is levitating... :O __________________ 1996 Mazda 323 Astina BA Hatch 1.8L - No Longer Mine

04-08-2010, 01:08 PM	#1884
marcs_sp20 Moderator Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Car: 2002 Mazda Astina SP20 2006 Mazda 6 GY Wagon Posts: 9,769 View Photos By: marcs_sp20	Woops my bad, I had to re-write it as the original text was in caps lock __________________

04-08-2010, 01:10 PM	#1885
marcs_sp20 Moderator Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Car: 2002 Mazda Astina SP20 2006 Mazda 6 GY Wagon Posts: 9,769 View Photos By: marcs_sp20	A Weeks worth of Jokes: MONDAY The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex... Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!' TUESDAY A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!' The preacher said, 'No ****?' WEDNESDAY Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' 'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.' THURSDAY One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. 'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.' FRIDAY A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.' SATURDAY Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old tall, tan and terrific "hoochie-mamma" who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.' SUNDAY Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours! __________________

04-08-2010, 03:35 PM	#1886
NaughtyGT Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Baxter, VIC Car: Sooby B4 - Astina SP parting out Posts: 2,447	Saturday's is a doozy __________________ My Shepherds in the Avatar haha "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace" - Jimi Hendrix

04-08-2010, 06:13 PM	#1887
70NYD Veni, vidi, vici Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Brisbane Car: 1996 BA Hatch & 2005 RX8 Posts: 4,911 View Photos By: 70NYD	hahahahaha man that kept me going on the bus today i was laughing like a retard LOL __________________

04-08-2010, 07:46 PM	#1888
BGSP AstinaGT Regular Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Adelaide Car: BG SP Astina Posts: 276	Hilarious man __________________ My car the aka oni ________________ Soon to be track/road car BG 323 SP _________________________________ Straight roads are for fast cars, corners are for fast drivers - Street Racer (Red)

04-08-2010, 09:06 PM	#1889
BGSP AstinaGT Regular Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Adelaide Car: BG SP Astina Posts: 276	One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..." Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you. The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop. Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!" The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!" The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!" __________________ My car the aka oni ________________ Soon to be track/road car BG 323 SP _________________________________ Straight roads are for fast cars, corners are for fast drivers - Street Racer (Red)

05-08-2010, 03:20 PM	#1891
Cosmo Dude コスモ Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Location: Vic Car: Mazda '95 Astina I4, '86 B2K and '10 3 MZR-CD Posts: 7,888 View Photos By: Cosmo Dude	__________________ My 'stina Hatch

05-08-2010, 04:08 PM	#1892
chicaboo Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Logan prefecture Car: Touge monster Posts: 7,585	Lactose intolerant?

07-08-2010, 03:03 PM	#1893
chicaboo Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Logan prefecture Car: Touge monster Posts: 7,585	I hope they bring this out for the 360...

07-08-2010, 09:16 PM	#1894
RustyKaos Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: North Side Brisbane Car: 1998 BA 323 Astina Hardtop Posts: 1,414 View Photos By: RustyKaos	LMAO. Now that is funny. __________________ Everytime an idiot dies, 20 more are born. Come challenge me. I dare ya.

07-08-2010, 09:29 PM	#1895
marcs_sp20 Moderator Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Ipswich, Queensland Car: 2002 Mazda Astina SP20 2006 Mazda 6 GY Wagon Posts: 9,769 View Photos By: marcs_sp20	__________________

12-08-2010, 07:49 AM	#1897
Cosmo Dude コスモ Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Location: Vic Car: Mazda '95 Astina I4, '86 B2K and '10 3 MZR-CD Posts: 7,888 View Photos By: Cosmo Dude	Rupewrechts latest contaner has left port. __________________ My 'stina Hatch

12-08-2010, 09:28 AM	#1899
Rupewrecht Administrator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: melb.vic.au Car: AZ-1, Astina Hardtop Turbo, BJ Protege, Beetle Posts: 16,525 View Photos By: Rupewrecht	Haha, i used to have a slight fear of that happening! More because of all the cool stuff at the bottom of the ocean than me having to refund everyone! __________________ jdmparts.rupewrecht.com Sourcing your not-quite-overnight parts from Japan WRECHT--\|--SLOWTEGE--\|--BEETLE--\|--SUBSTITUTE--\|--AZ-1

12-08-2010, 09:41 AM	#1900
Rupewrecht Administrator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: melb.vic.au Car: AZ-1, Astina Hardtop Turbo, BJ Protege, Beetle Posts: 16,525 View Photos By: Rupewrecht	6 Indisputable Truths 1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time. 2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it. 3. And discover #1 is a lie. 4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot. 5. You soon will forward this to another idiot. 6. There is still a stupid smile on your face __________________ jdmparts.rupewrecht.com Sourcing your not-quite-overnight parts from Japan WRECHT--\|--SLOWTEGE--\|--BEETLE--\|--SUBSTITUTE--\|--AZ-1

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