Funny things you've been sent lately...

[MAztinA 323]

anyone seen this site uncyclopedia? ROFL MAO!!! BAHAHAH! check it out! search for anything :P
i thought these ones were pretty funny~

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Nitrous
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hitler
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ricers

[KittyKatSmack]

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch of Kotex Tips for Life" on it.

Annoying advice such as:

- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries.

Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.

See what happens and report back....I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine.

I garan-friggin-tee, that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, women don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products.

Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives.
Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out **** advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Home brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.

Put the **** in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.

Ovarily Yours,



Miss PMS

[Beckie]

love it kitty

[bourbon]

hahahahaha i know someone who enjoys the coloured ones hahahahahahah!

well not enjoys, but prefers cause it looks better :S hahahahaa

[Beckie]

oh come on bourbs.... i know you wear chic's clothing sometimes....but no more details please!!!! you'll start grossing me out

[KittyKatSmack]

Please no, I don't want the mental picture....

Damn, too late!
argh!

[Beckie]

*giggles* sorry kitty...i couldn't resist tho! The amount of times bourbon picks on me... i gotta get my own back sometimes
its all in good fun tho

[platypus]

Originally Posted by MAztinA 323

anyone seen this site uncyclopedia? ROFL MAO!!! BAHAHAH! check it out! search for anything :P
i thought these ones were pretty funny~

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Nitrous
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hitler
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ricers

but the mazda references? http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Mazda_Millenia

[Aaron]

Originally Posted by bourbon

hahahahaha i know someone who enjoys the coloured ones hahahahahahah!

well not enjoys, but prefers cause it looks better :S hahahahaa

I have never been able to shake the image from head of the Young Ones "mousey Mousey Mousey"

A.

[bourbon]

girls clothes are funny to wear cause there sooooo tight and short!!! ahah

[skitz]

Originally Posted by bourbon

girls clothes are funny to wear

wait we all heard him say that right? lol FOLF sumthings ur supost to keep to ur self man hahaha

[Rupewrecht]

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get something to eat.""Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

[Cosmo Dude]

Have a look at this! Just enter a mobile phone number (try a friend or your partners) and wait for the tracking to locate the mobile phone.

It takes a little time to download …… amazing technology. Big Brother is watching you!!!

http://www.sat-gps-locate.com/

[SehnKhan]

Don't use Google Maps to plan journeys:

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&hl=e...5&om=1&layer=t

Step # 20 is rather funny.

[Cosmo Dude]

Originally Posted by SehnKhan

Don't use Google Maps to plan journeys:
Step # 20 is rather funny.

You would walk? That trick hasn't been done for almost 2,000 years

[DB0984]

(For all you who dont know Barry Dawson is the guy from the Cougar Bourbon add.)

When Barry Dawson goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Barry Dawsoned.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson counted to infinity - twice.

Barry Dawson invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Barry Dawson does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Barry Dawson hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Barry Dawson gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Barry Dawson can slam a revolving door.

Barry Dawson once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Barry Dawson's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson can speak Braille.

Barry Dawson's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Superman owns a pair of Barry Dawson pyjamas.

Barry Dawson owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out
of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Barry Dawson sleeps with a night light. Not because Barry Dawson is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Barry Dawson.

Barry Dawson doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Barry Dawson's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Barry Dawson divides by zero.

Barry Dawson is always on top during sex because Barry Dawson never f***s up.

When Barry Dawson exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Barry Dawson doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Barry Dawson sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Barry kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Barry Dawson can kill two stones with one bird.

Barry Dawson once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Barry Dawson once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "*****ting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

The only time Barry Dawson was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

[platypus]

Originally Posted by DB0984

(For all you who dont know Barry Dawson is the guy from the Cougar Bourbon ad.)

clearly not the one i was thinking of... only one i could think of was the one with 5 cougars and a weedy lokoing guy perving on a barmaid

[Ripper323]

I like the Barry Dawson one, although I've seen it re-done so many times. Chuck Norris and Mike Hussey just to name a few!

[KittyKatSmack]

Chuck Norris one was the BEST!!!

[Cosmo Dude]

It's easy to substitute whoever you want

When Boosted Batman goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Boosted Batmaned.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Boosted Batman.

Boosted Batman counted to infinity - twice.

Boosted Batman invented every colour. Except pink. Primo invented pink.

When Boosted Batman does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Boosted Batman hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Boosted Batman gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Boosted Batman can slam a revolving door.

Boosted Batman once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Boosted Batman's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Boosted Batman.

Boosted Batman can speak Braille.

Boosted Batman's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Superman owns a pair of Boosted Batman pyjamas.

Boosted Batman owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get outof Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Boosted Batman sleeps with a night light. Not because Boosted Batman is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Barry Dawson.

Boosted Batman doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Once a cobra bit Boosted Batmans’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Boosted Batman divides by zero.

Boosted Batman is always on top during sex because Boosted Batman never f***s up.

When Boosted Batman exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Boosted Batman doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Boosted Batman sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Boosted kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Boosted Batman can kill two stones with one bird.

Boosted Batman once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Boosted Batman once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "*****ting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.

The only time Boosted Batman was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.