Save a Westie today!

[KittyKatSmack]

Westie: Maximumus tightblackjeanus et mulletus cuttus.

In the time it takes you to read this, 17 Westies will become extinct.

Westies were first identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s. The Westie species is thought to be a close relation of the Bogan species of Melbourne, the Booner species found in Canberra's eastern suburbs and the Bevan species spread throughout Brisbane.

Westies may also be known colloquially as 'bushpigs' or 'rumpigs' in central west NSW or 'aggies' in other parts of the state.

It is believed the initial Sydney population was introduced to habitats such as Parramatta, Granville and Strathfield from the early 1950s. However, by the mid-1980s, the species had been somewhat driven from their natural but dangerous homes and had multiplied to plague proportions in the more breeder-friendly areas of Blacktown, Campbelltown and Penrith.

While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began rapid decline from the early-1990s onwards.

The situation has reached crisis point, with Westies rarely sighted in the inner Sydney area. Westies now cling to the region's outskirts and are commonly sighted as far north as inland areas of the Central Coast, the western suburbs of Newcastle such as Wallsend, and in the lower Hunter Valley region, especially the rural Westie mecca of Kurri Kurri. But despite these small, often isolated areas of almost exclusively Westie populations, in the year 2004 the species is now officially endangered.

Some scientists claim identifying the Westie is genetic, whilst others argue it is a product of nurture. The nurture theory is supported by evidence of extremely young males being coerced by parents to adopt the junior version of the mullet - a growth known as "rats-tail".

Males, often known as Wayne or Darren, adopt a dominant status within the community, with a vague sense of rank defined by the ownership of an aging Ford or Holden motor vehicle.

Female Westies, usually named Sharon or Janine, are entrusted with the raising of multiple offspring, the males of which are commonly referred to as Jake or Cody, the females Tay-lah or Monique. This is a role the female Westie performs from a young age and often without the presence of the male.

Female westies do not follow the 'one partner' mating rituals of other closely related species.

Distinguishing male characteristics include tight black denim covering on the hind limbs and bright flannelette markings on the forepaws and belly.
Females may be similarly identified through distinctive denim markings, though the pattern is usually of the "Stonewash" variety.

In warmer weather, females have been known to shed the lower layer of denim from just below the genital area, resulting in a cut-off effect. Both males and females have been known to cover their lower hind limbs with furry pouches called "ugg-boots".

While the wild population of Westies is dwindling, it is still possible to view them in their natural environment. The species have been known to congregate around regional shopping centres (Macarthur Square, Penrith Plaza et al) where family units often come to settle domestic issues using high-pitched wailing sounds. These are also the habitats from which Westie families gather their weekly household needs.

It is a regular ritual, sometimes performed daily, in which the offspring are directed by their elders to enter large supermarkets, whilst they supervise proceedings from outside. The youngsters then collect the requirements and hurriedly leave.

The most deeply traditional Westie, as a general rule, has no concept of the accepted modern-day process of exchanging monetary funds for their goods.
Instead they prefer to secrete the goods beneath their coverings, or inside pouches or portable transport devices. Westies most commonly employ devices such as "bumbag", "backpack" and "old pram" in order to secure their goods.

After sunset, younger males and females meet in small dark enclaves known as RSLs (or "Rissoles") and consume large amounts of liquid called Bourbon.

There are numerous factors attributed to the decline of the local Westie population. Scientists have identified the popularity of the protective sheath (or "condom") as a contributing cause, while the development of adequate social infrastructure (schools, medium density housing) in traditional Westie enclaves may have fragmented the species. More controversial theories suggest many Westies may have removed their mullets, purchased or stolen Cargo Pants and attempted to integrate themselves into Sydney's mainstream population.

Such claims are yet to be substantiated. At present there seems little hope of restoring the Westie population to it's previous levels. Recent attempts have including the development of new artificial habitats, such as an anticipated Westie breeding ground known as "Albion Grove Estate" near Penrith, but it seems this area may be too far from the Panthers Leagues Club to attract large numbers of the species. More successful is an enclosed breeding program called "Macarthur Square", in which young male and female Westies are domiciled in an extremely high-density, mostly featureless space, located in Campbelltown and known to mainstream society as the "shopping centre". The anticipated outcome is the regular pairing off of Westie couples, leading to almost instant and repeated mating rituals and resulting in multiple gestation periods within each three year breeding cycle.

To date the program has proven highly effective, combining aggression, behavioural norm of the Westie male, with such triggers as beer and occasional displays of female sexuality. A recent local government report for the first quarter of 2004 announced that, from the 70 Westies invited to participate in Phase One of the "Macarthur Square" program in late 1997, some 500 offspring have been produced since August 1998. The number is encouraging, the report says, though somewhat discouraging is the number of abortions recorded in the same period, with the local abortion rate rising by almost 15,000% since the program's inception.

In early 2001, authorities attracted Westie elders AC/DC for a brief visit and hope to encourage further breeding of new yearlings within the population. The effects of this effort have yet to be realised.

The Westie really is in dire straits. Please play a part in the ressurection of this uniquely Australian species. Dig deep and purchase a flannelette shirt from any participating bottlo, pie shop or Lowes. Shirts cost just $18 (GST inclusive). $2 from every purchase will be donated to the 2004 Save The Westie Appeal. Your donation is tax deductible.

Please. Help Save the Westie. Every cent counts.

[lamby1986]

thats sooo long, atleast 17 of them died in that time

[scott]

I'm quite sure that the bogan species is migrating out of Melbourne. I spotted several earlier today. :lol: If mullets can make a comeback, I might have to get the jump on this flanelette idea.

By the way, that was a whole lot of reading.

[Cosmo Dude]

Don't knock the mullet, it worked well for me as a teenager but I've always stayed well clear of the flanie shirt

[Nate]

hehehe ... trust you kitty :lol: :lol: :lol:

[morleykor]

:lol: :lol: hilarious
in the u.k we refer to this species of sub human as a "CHAV"
they are easily identifiable by their burberry check baseball hats
cheap gold chains and reebok classic trainers,
their common language is "shat up i aint saying nuffink you stoopid c**t"
it's although their brians are one quater developed as you can tell by the amount of double negatives in that one sentence.

:shock: WATCH OUT AUSTRALIA THEY HAVE STARTED EMIGRATING ALREADY :shock:

--nope i am not a chav :lol:

[Rupewrecht]

ahh is that what a Chav is!

read somewhere that thats the latest word around on the streets in melb, but didnt give a meaning!

[lamby1986]

i thought you all migrated here over two hundred years ago. or did you keep the "good ones" for yourself? :lol:

[morleykor]

most of em did migrate a couple of centuries ago
but we've created this new advanced type :wink:
they come with a special addition, that's called an a.s.b.o
anti-social behaviour order :lol:

2ltr lager drinking type
1840 cc (criminal convictions) :lol:

[geetee]

believe it or not there is a CHAV rally in london this weekend!!!! :lol:

it will be led by welsh rappers GLC (goldie looking chain) in a burberry check vauxhall cavalier complete with tracksuit seat covers and chrome look wheel spinners!!!! :roll:



and for the record.........i`m not a chav either!!!!

morleykor is though........ :lol: :lol: ..|..

[morleykor]

..|.. :roll: i knew you'ld find me eventually, your a freekin stalker dude.

I AM NOT A CHAV, your the one who used to own the "chavalier" :lol: :lol:

repeat i am not a :wink: CHAV

[geetee]

yes i did have a chavy leer......... but not now!!!!
and my tacchini tracky is in the charity shop!!!! :lol:

[skippy]

Lads I need help!!!!

My borther is 12 and going to start high school next year and is currently sporting a mullet.
I am sure you can see the problem,
by the bye this is not the new style mullet (the mull’e) but rather old school cappa (Warrick Cappa) version

He is extremely pro-mullet and will not hear any talk of change.
How can I talk him out of this,

I am concerned for his safety as surly this will be a source of attention from the older years and could lead to difficulties in his high school years,
As a 5’11” 12 year old (truth he is giant) with a Taekowondo black belt I am sure he can hold his own with kiddies his age but others not to sure about.

I am all for freedom of expresion but I feel he has been lulled in a false sense of security at primary school where he was the biggest kid by far.


Advise please lads,

Oh Lassie’s aswell

[KittyKatSmack]

skippy: so telling him he looks like a big girls blouse doesn't help?

sure fire solution, tell him he won't get any

this is the sort of haircut that will follow you around forever, and be sure to have many photo's for his 21st birthday

other option, talk to his martial arts teacher/peers

or teach him to plait it or something.....

*shudders*

:lol:

[geetee]

:lol: oh yes.....the original lady killer.......THE MULLET!!!! :lol:

get him to watch some old episodes of neighbours (wayne, scott robinson and charlene era). if that doesn`t swing the arguement then it looks like your gonna be involved in some serious punch ups on behalf of your brother!!!! :roll: :lol:
also point out that if he has a mullet for too long then he will go bald later in his teens. give him some gumph about the extra weight of all those bogging locks pulling at his scalp causing lasting damage!!!! :lol:

[Rupewrecht]

tell him girls think they're unsexy.

thats all he needs to hear :lol:

[KittyKatSmack]

but isn't he only 12 years old???

does he know girls aren't icky yet??

LOL